There was a time in my life (somewhere between 18-20 I think) when I decided I didn't really believe in love. That was simple. It kept a lot of complications out of my life. I could throw around the "L" word and not believe it for one second. I could laugh at people in my head when I heard them say it because I knew they hadn't gone through the things I'd gone through. They were still young, they could figure it out for themselves. They could be ignorant and I could judge. I don't know what part of my brain felt it was okay to do that, but to be honest people don't like being told how to feel and what to do. I've always known that. And I've always known that people have to learn things for themselves. You can lead them in the right direction with words and advice, but in the end it's all about their ultimate decision.

I've come to peace (probably temporarily, because that seems to be the only constant in life) with this inconsistent word. Love is unexplainable. That's it. Love is unexplainable because you can use every word in your vast knowledge of words and still not hit every point that it is. Love is pain. Love is hope. Love is honesty. Love is selflessness. Love is bi-polar. Love isn't ambivalent. And I could keep going forever.

More recently, love has different stages; love builds and becomes something else over time. This new stage I've discovered consists of an ache in my chest that pounds and throbs until I see him again. Then it beats faster, my head gets light, and I have a million different things to say at once, all of which I want to say, none of which actually comes out. Then when he's there, I need to touch him, to feel that he's really there, that he's really smiling at me. The creases in his cheek, around his eyes, down his forearms to his hands. Hands are so important to me. It's a way to show affection, tenderness; you can be gentle and firm and express everything going on in your head through skin contact. And all the while you can't think of anything but "This guy is sharing himself with me. How could I be so lucky?"

I don't know how long this can last. I don't know if it's meant to be or if things will get worse or better. But this feeling can't be expressed in any other way. All day in my head it's "What is he up to? What is he thinking? How can I help him if he's hurting?" It hasn't subsided for months, only grown stronger and stronger.

The most important aspect about this is it has nothing to do with sex. Cameron Diaz says in The Holiday "Sex complicates things. It even complicates things when you don't have it." But I don't need it. He doesn't need it. It's us, together, sharing our love for one another and that's all that matters. All that matters.

As I am getting nearer, my mission is coming clear
I know this road, never seen it before
I know what lies behind unopened doors
I saw the signs from the distant shore
That I couldn't know

I'm heading for higher ground.

I can't sleep just yet. My work schedule is messing with my sleeping schedule, but I really do need to get to bed. I have to wake up at 5:30 to take my sister to the airport...ugh. Oh well. I'm so glad I get to see her once a month before I go to Tennessee. It's been off not having her in our lives at home. But I guess...that's life, right?

School's out in two weeks. For you seniors, take it with all you can. Last chance for you to see these people ever again. I promise it gets harder from here. Not necessarily the workload...I've found college is almost all about making your own homework. It's the decisions. The choices. The options. The attitudes. Everything is available to you and yet you have so many barriers that the immediate, easiest choice is the only thing visible.

The adult world isn't all it's cracked up to be. This "freedom" people think of isn't there. You're free to make your own choices, yes...to a certain extent. There are boulders in the way to keep you from what you really want. You're free to see who you want to see...yet you still have to see people you dislike and the time you used to have to see the people you care about is taken up by something else -- work, school, rehearsals, responsibility. You name it.

I've found more joy in my alone time than I ever thought I could. But when I'm alone, I'm the only one able to enjoy it. To share it with someone would be exponential...but then it wouldn't really be alone time. You involve another and it suddenly becomes something. Or maybe you get annoyed with the person. I have such a short temper and patience. It ripples through me and all the expletives and negative things enter my mind and consume me. I never let it go though. Maybe I should. Maybe keeping things inside is a bad idea. Maybe I'm over-analyzing again. Probably.

Does anyone else have clouded vision? Like, when you take a walk and you try to experience the world you don't really see it? It's like you're still inside? I feel something pushing on the sides of my eyes keeping me from feeling like I'm really outside. I hate it. I don't know how to get rid of it. But until I do, I won't truly feel alive. I don't know how to get rid of it.

I think I need to get out. Which shouldn't be a problem because I'm moving...yeah, moving to Tennessee in August. But I need to leave now.

But I love you. Everyone, reading this. I love you. I will miss you. But I feel constrained and poisoned. Forgotten, maybe. Not your fault, trust me. I've been introverted somehow. Being alone means everything goes my way. I control what I read, what I do, what I think. Maybe I've been told what to do for so long I can't take it anymore.

But then the boulders are in the way. They block my dreams. What are they? Some stupid metaphor I can't wrap my head around.

Way up here the air is thin
Feel like I could go so far.

I needed to post...my main page is a picture of Dane Cook's gigantic erection. Not that I mind but it gets a little unnerving after a while.

Les Miserables closed yesterday. For those of you who came to see it, thank you so much. It meant the world to me, just like this show. I've never cried harder in my life than when I walked off that stage last night after our five or something bows to a cheering and standing audience. More emotion came out of me in that last hour than has ever came out of me before. It was more fulfilling than...I'm gushing. I just can't put into words how proud I am to have been a part of that.

Now my next step comes...Belmont University. I've already made several friends on facebook and they are SO nice and warm and welcoming that it makes me even more eager to leave.

But my friends...my family...keep pulling my heart back. I've made such good friends this past year. It's so weird to think I haven't known them as long as I've known my other friends. But that also worries me because I can't forget my old ones. I rarely talk to them. But maybe that's life. People are forgotten and only the recent ones in someones life are remembered. Ain't it depressing.

There's a listlessness about the night. And about myself. There's so much inside me and so far my eyes need to open. But I don't know when it'll happen. Last night it happened a little. I'm more aware of myself and everything around me. But I'm expecting something to happen to me where it just hits me all of a sudden and I'm awoken from this dream-of-a-life that I've lived up until now.

I need to be better. That's what college is for. That's what life is for. Practice, experience, lessons...love. Heh. You know what I've learned? Love comes in all different forms. And even if you want it so bad but you don't have it at the moment...it's okay. Because it will find you in other things. In music, in friends, in movies, in anything you hold close.

This became a lot more deep than I meant it to. Sudden stillness. Breathe. You're found. That's where I want to be.

I don't know if it's ethical, but I am seriously in love with Dane Cook. I bought Good Luck Chuck after having watched it about three weeks ago at Kaitlin's house...he's naked about 75% of the movie. Dear Lord. Seriously, click this picture:

Shit. Okay, really the movie's adorable. OH! And on top of that for my public speaking class I TOTALLY did my tribute speech on Dane Cook. I started with this little intro on his past life and then did his bit about women from vicious circle. Needless to say, it was pretty amazing. :)

Les Miserables is opening in two weeks...AH!!!!!!! I'm so excited! On the off chance y'all haven't gotten tickets...here you go! We've also added an additional Benefit performance April 14th at 7:00 PM if you guys can't make it the other two weeks.

On top of Dane Cook I've also got a huge crush on Ryan Reynolds. Just Friends anyone? OH! And if you guys haven't seen Definitely, Maybe yet...do it. Made me cry. I'm a sap, but still.

Winter term is over! HOORAY! Now I just have one more term in Portland before it's TENNESSEE TIME BABY! One can only hope it'll be as amazing as I hope it will be.

Dane Cook's getting naked. Time to go!

Take THAT!



Love,
Steven Sondheim

I am so...bored.

I'm watching Spongebob. I just finished doing my chores. I slept in till 11.

I'm pretty sure my life has gone down the tube.

Except Les Miserables rehearsals. Those are what I live for right now. I'm still waiting for my acceptance/declination letter to Belmont. It's been three weeks this Saturday. So...that means it has to come tomorrow? I dunno. I don't even know if this post is worth reading.



I went to the Jonas Brothers concert on Wednesday with two of my sisters. O.M.G. Words...can't even express how amazing it was. The energy, the passion...this suddenly became a cliche. BUT it was truly the most fantastic thing I've ever seen. My sister and I couldn't breathe when they finally came on the stage. I guess we've been anticipating the concert for so long, that when it finally happened our bodies couldn't handle it. Those guys are real. Their music is well written, they perform like they've been doing it for years.

Just go look at my flickr account. You'll see what I mean.

They're sadly the only thing going on in my life aside from my friends. I feel like I'm losing something. Like...a purpose. Or something. Maybe being single isn't good for me. lol. I don't know. I'm done. And I'm hungry.

There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

I feel like every step I take he makes me stumble back.

I feel like every time I push forward to see more into him, he closes every door possible.

I need to know: would it make everyone's lives better if I gave in to the inevitable and try to make him happy by not doing what my heart tells me to do?

So cliche. But a cliche is only cliche because it's real.

"If it wasn't this, it'd be something else..." - Elizabethtown

…But I love you.

I…I can’t love you. Not the way you want to be loved. I mean, I love you but it can’t be any more than just words.

All we’ve ever been is just words.

That’s not true, and you know it isn’t. I just can’t keep making everyone else happy anymore. I haven’t been thinking about myself at all this whole time, and that’s not fair to me.

You’re right. I’m sorry if it sounded like this was all about what I wanted. I never meant for it to sound that way. I just want you to be happy. I just wish it was with me.

I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say, so I just won’t say anything.

So…what do we do now?

I want us to be friends. You will always be my friend, I know it.

But how can we be friends if all I want to do when I see you is kiss you? And hold you? I smell you everywhere I go and that smell awakens all these amazingly sensual and sweet memories of you. I can’t let you go like that. I love you, and I want to be in love with you. Why can’t you see what we would have would be amazing for both of us?

Because it doesn’t feel right to me. I can’t just force myself to feel a certain way. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t either. But I feel so lost without you.

I have to go. Please be okay.

I won’t be. But go. I love you.

Please don’t be like that.

What way do you want me to be? Want me to pretend this whole thing is okay and I can tell my feelings to go away? Well, I can’t. I just can’t, I don’t want to. I fuckin love you.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish it could be different. I’m just so confused and I don’t know what to do right now.

I’m sorry, this isn’t your fault. I just want you to be okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, I love you, I can’t stop saying it.

I love you to. I’m sorry. Have a good night.

Goodnight bud.

Will you be okay?

I’ll…sure. Yeah, I will.

Okay. Tomorrow, I’ll see you?

Tomorrow. 

Okay. Goodnight.

Goodnight bud.

I dropped my phone in a puddle. My brand new, lights up pretty and plays MP3's Sony Ericsson fell in a puddle :(

If you can't get a hold of me, that's why. I'm letting it dry out temporarily.

So sad.

Shoot me if this post goes into depressingly morbid mode.

This week was hard. Probably one of the hardest I've ever had.

Started school. Yay college right? No, not really. I know very few people and the subjects I have are boringly generic: Art History, Psychology as a Social Science, and Intro to Oceanography. I know three classes doesn't sound like a lot, but this whole unstructured curriculum is really screwing me up. I was never good at doing homework when I was supposed to, and now they're telling me I have to practically make-up my own homework if I want to pass this class? Shoot me. Do it now.

On top of that I work a couple to a few days a week. 8 hours out of my Saturday isn't really what I wanted to look forward to at the end of the week.

Plus I have my Blue Monkey internship Saturday's from 10 to 1. THAT is actually a highlight of my week. I've never been more into improvising than right now. It's SO much fun and I laugh more in those three early hours than I do the whole week combined.

I'm in Night of the Living Dead. Everyone should come see it! Last two weeks of October plus Halloween night. 10 o'clock and midnight shows! I'll get more details later on.

Still waiting on Cinderella casting.

[Edit: October 1st, 3:13 PM]

Didn't get cast as the prince. But...strangely I'm okay with it. More time at home during the holidays. And I had a lot of fun as a cast member in Zombie Prom, so I think it'll be more fun than it let's on. :)

[End of edit]

And on top of all this I have zero social life. I miss shopping. I miss coffee. I miss fast food. I miss people in general, not the drones I have in my classes who just go to college to drink and get high.

On a better note, I am SO back in love with Jump5. What makes it painfully hard to be so excited about that is they're breaking up at the end of the year. Sami and I went to Salem last weekend and saw them perform at Salem RiverFest. They were AMAZING. Simply perfect. I could not have asked for a better day. Of course since it was us, we were singing and dancing to ALL of the songs and Brandon pointed and winked at me a couple times...I totally squealed like a little girl. Pretty sure the other three saw us too (spare the obvious Jump4? jokes).

After the show, we got to go meet them and sign autographs. They were so great, and Brandon made a remark when we walked up that apparently went "Well, you two knew all the songs, didn't you?" Hehe! Then...we went BACK into the line to get better pictures because Brittany and Lesley came outside to sign, and then we got to take a picture with Chris and Brandon.

( Jump5 Pictures! )

To say the least, that rekindled a lot of love I have in my life. Just in general. I have a constant battle right now between complete and total devastation and just accepting what's happening and seeing the good in things, which is what I usually do. I broke down on Saturday. It's never happened before. After waking up late to go to my internship, my mom decided it was a brilliant idea to have Jenny drive and then they can take my car. Considering I was running late I didn't really think it was the best idea, so that started my day off bad. That and the fact I had to work after my internship which I was originally scheduled not to do. So I went to my internship for three hours and Jenny and my mom picked me up. Then they thought it was a good idea to go pick up Jenny's homecoming dress from Washington Square instead of taking me home where I could chill before I had to work for 8 hours. So I went there, incredibly hungry (hadn't eaten yet) and waited for an hour until we bought the dress and left. So I went home, dressed for work, and rushed out of the house in a very bad mood. On the way to work, I fell apart. Was forcibly crying and I didn't really know why except all the stress of the week had finally gotten to me and something in me broke.

That's how my life has been for the moment. Not quite trivial. I'm sure tomorrow I'll read this and think it incredibly naive and stupid. But I just needed to let it out. Once I do, I'm hoping I can start anew, fresh and ready to get through everything I have to.

Until next time then readers.

I didn't make it into UNC's musical theatre program. But...I think (and I've been thinking really hard about this for the past 3 hours) that I'm going to go anyway, be a Theatre Studies major, and re-audition next year. Because...well, if I make it then that's great! But nothing ever came right away. And dealing with rejection is part of the business. And...maybe I'm blowing smoke up my own butt. I'm disappointed, yes. But I wanted to start over and...well, this is where I start.

Check out my Dark Ages profile!

That made me feel a little awkward. Rachel and Goose, I join your kingdom!

Your Birthdate: September 3

You are certain and confident when you choose to love someone. Even though your romantic choices may be unconventional - you stand behind them. Your friends never know you as well as a romantic partner does. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5 You are most compatible with people born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, and 30th of the month.

This "number of true loves" really worries me...that'll be the one thing I don't take from this quiz.

There's several things I questioned tonight, and all of them had to do with love. One is "Why does love play such evil tricks on a person?" If you've been in love with someone for several years, why slip in the temptation of another when there's no chance in hell that person will ever be with you, based on sexual orientation or morals?

In simpler terms: God damn the person who made gay men or women fall for the straight ones. (Note: This isn't necessarily something going on in my life, but I know some friends who've had the same problem). There they are, hugging you, holding you like a friend, when in reality your mind wanders to the chance of him or her kissing you gently, holding your hand and stroking your thumb with his, that little touch that means so much. "But no more that that," they say. God dammit.

I love Kyle. I know no one needs to be told to figure that out about me. I have complete faith and trust in him, but absolutely none in myself because of how many times I've hurt him. It's too true your hardest critic is yourself.

I'm so happy for the few close friends I have that fall for each other. Whether they are "in love" or not, I suppose, depends on the people. I knew from the first few days Kyle and I began to date I'd fall for him...but yet, at 3 months it was way to soon to say it. Why? Maybe because you don't know if you love someone unless you go through all the real-life circumstances a married couple goes through, like financial issues or one member of the couple going through a hate crime or something. I have no idea, nor maybe will I ever. I just know I'm somewhere close to it. And yet the country forbids me to ever share it publicly.

I just watched "A Walk to Remember" and that wedding at the end was just so beautiful. Whenever I see weddings or wedding rings, or churches I'm so reminded of the fact that mainstream society rejects who I am and the future I want to lead. I really do live in a make believe world where I can be a heterosexual man (or beast) falling in love with a girl, where everything turns out all right in the end. For some reason, life just bashes in all I used to believe. Kyle's taught me so much about life it is unbelievable, even though some of it I wish I never had to deal with but it's probably for the better.

I don't know where I'm going with this. A couple of friends of mine are making out with each other upstairs and I just needed to vent. I hope the best for them.

So I was at my first college party last night!

For a total of 20 minutes.

Then mother calls and ruins my night with her whole "I'm psychic and a complete stalker and I know you're not where you said you are" act.

Needless to say I sped from Salem, crushing Kyle's and my own excitement for the night, as well as -- I hope as I LOVE his friends -- other people's hopes to get to talk, hang out, and get smashed with me.

The truth is, I can't lie to my mom. She trusts me in every way except that one way. Kyle and I aren't having sex, yes it's true he's my boyfriend and has been for almost two and a half years, but we're responsible and that shouldn't mean you have to forbid me to see him for a little extra time when I see him maybe 29 days out of the month if I'm lucky.

What the duece.

Only a little frustrating. Oddly enough I'm not as mad as I thought I would be. I think it's because I knew she was going to find out. I was actually mulling it over in my head on whether or not I should tell her (the day after, of course) and let her ground me so I wouldn't have to lie to her long.

On the upside, I had a sort of happy dream last night that was really funny, confusing, and weird in many ways.

Dream Sequence Begins

It starts off I'm in FAME class...then something happens and I come in the next day with some other guy and we're in the wrong class. I think it was a sophomore math class, but does it matter? Not really. So we walk back to our FAME class (that has around 70 desks in the room, yeesh) and Mrs. Scheller and Mr. Allen and some other teacher were in the back of the room talking about something. We walk up and ask what we missed and they said "Well, everyone's out on a treasure hunt finding something we want them to get. You get to find a turtle." And I got really excited at this point and was like "A turtle? A REAL turtle?" And Mr Allen's like "Yes. But you can't go to the hot tub because it's too easy to find turtle's there. They're all inside it swimming around." (Apparently we have a pool and a hot tub at this school, which looks oddly like a two story version of Brown.) So we walk out of the classroom and *flash* we end up in a forest where it's mostly dark and I find Keely, Kari, and the other members of my Animorphs team back in the day. Something bad is happening and people's morphing abilities are being stolen by these evil creatures. We all try to morph so we can save everyone, but they aren't working so we huddle in a circle and say our last goodbye's because we know our memories of ever being together since day 1 will vanish. When we wake up, we're back at Brown and it's evening and, surprisingly, everone remembers about everything. Most people go home, but for some reason I end up in a scooby doo type mystery machine with a guy named Ryan (who oddly looks like a German exchange student in my class but slightly older and more attractive) and Marco from the Animorph TV series who was takign a nap. Then I give Ryan a blow job and I realize I'm grounded (hence, my mom even haunts me in my dreams) and I have to get home and pretend I've been walking this whole time so she doesn't scold me for hanging out with friends when I'm not supposed to be.

End Dream Sequence

Anyway, I'm awaiting what my mom will say to me about last night, and I'm praying that she'll let me go to the Harvest Party for choir because...well, I'm the President and I have to. But we'll see what happens. I think she took my phone so I won't be able to use that for a week or two at least.

Thanks for listening to my strange babble.

Oh and Adamo Ruggiero from Degrassi is SUCH a hottie. Check out my lj layout ;)

Oh and BTW: Shoebox Shakespeare (the play I got to see Kyle in last night) was FUCKING hysterical and amazing in every way! It was the first show I've wanted to see again the moment it was over. Usually I just like to mull things over and see them a week later, but DAMN it was great. Mad props to everyone in it...especially my honey who was an adorable white nurse for Juliet;)

You know what I loathe?

Being in an old friends room where you want nothing more than to be their friend again and they barely look at you.

It hurts. But it's understandable. I was an asshole. But, two months later, can't we get over it? Really?

I dunno - maybe I'm too much an optimist for my own good.

I'm so sorry. I ruined such a good thing. I never meant for it to happen this way.

In other news, Jeffrey Williams frickin rocks my socks. He's the coolest. The End.

And I love my kitty. *Mrow* More than anything.

RANDOM.



Updated 7/19 3:36 -
I'm starting to lose faith in the situation. Is it worth it?

I'm discontent. With something. What? - I don't know. There's just something missing. But I'm pretty happy.

No job
It's summer (maybe too much time is the problem?)
I LOVE Kyle
My friends are still here (for now)

But I have lots to do:
Memorize Beauty and the Beast script
Get a job
Find a way to make ends meet with Ty
AP Economics Summer Assignment
AP Euro Summer Assignment

All those things boiling in my mind. I'd prefer to do nothing, which I've been doing for the past few days (I'm still in my pj's), but having things to do when I'd rather do nothing seems to be the story of my life.

So my life:
I got back from Nebraska on Saturday. It wasn't bad - it wasn't terrific either. I got sick, it was hot, Bill was being a hypocritical bi-polar asshole most of the time, and I Missed my buddy. I did however meet some great people, saw 8 mainstage shows, saw 5 one acts, went to two work shops, ate a LOT, walked a LOT, got some sun, and bonded with my friends, half of whom are going to college. Overall it wasn't a bad experience. I'm going next year, mainly because if I'm going to be in group musical (which I hope we do "Run, Freedom Run" from Urinetown) then I have to go. I'll give it a second chance.

SAT scores came out.

06/2006 SAT Reasoning Test
Critical Reading 530 56%
Math 500 42%
Writing 520
Multiple Choice 48 (score range: 20-80)
Essay 9 (score range: 2-12)

All in all, I'm not too dissapointed. From what I've seen I'm pretty average which is relatively true academically. I think with those I'm around the top 50% of the nation, so I'm meh.

I'm excited for Beauty and the Beast. Bill is saying the castle is going to take up 2/3 of up-stage and then the other 1/3 will be filled with the psych and Belle's house, the pub, or the village. It'll be huge; all I'm saying. Everyone better come. :-P

I'll update this as soon as I remember more of what I'm doing. That'll givey ou enough to think on for a while...or me, I don't know which.

Happy Ces De mayo everyone! It's been a while.

Something happened that I had to write about.
Bill had auditions for our production of Beauty and the Beast next spring. They weren't super hard, very few people showed up (it was just for leads though) but I did have a challenge because the only scenes he gave me were Beast's. Wtf? I signed up for Beast, Lumiere, and LeFou...wouldn't I get other scenes for them?

During line-up Bill asked me to step up on the platform. For height? Yes.

Two hours later he puts up the call-back list...with 6 lead roles already cast on it.

First one on the list:
Beast - Jordan Parkyn

I swear to fucking God I almost peed my pants. I needed to scream, to punch something, to do anything to squelch the overwhelming sensation boiling up inside of me. Me? Beast? Mr humongous-hairy-so-the-opposite-of-me character? The one Kevin, Mr. 6 foot 5 tall guy should've gotten (I thought)?

Me. Beast. Probably the best role I ever will receive. Never have I loved that balding man more than at that moment. He gave me what I've been hoping for for months. My usual type-casted lover boy thrown out the window somehow. I'm so confused still. I don't believe it. But damn, am I excited for my senior year.

On a more recent note, our Spring show opens next thursday. Here's the info for everyone that I hope will come:

Century Stage Presents:
Somewhere In Between
by Craig Pospisil
Runs May 11th-13th & the 18th-20th at 7:30 PM in the Phil Barnekoff Auditorium.

Trust me, you want to see this one.

Speaking of which, Rachel I have a HUGE favor to ask of you.
Because you are the Goddess of photography (in my opinion) and if you have time, next wednesday is parent preview and I would DIE if you could be our "unofficial" photographer for the show and take REALLY awesome pictures. I would love you forever...maybe even pay you if you'd like. If you don't have time don't worry about it, but maybe I can get you into a rehearsal.

See you everyone! I hope everyone's spring break is amazing...and I hope to God I'm tan when I get back. I love you all and happy birthday to those whose birthday's I will miss (Kyle and Alexa). Miss me because I know I'll miss you guys!

ANAHEIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!